Last Ride

I will probably not get a chance to say it to your face ....

I think this is the last ride ...

I knew this would be the last ride,i just came here to confirm that


I don't not think i can invest in this more,surely i have taken a lot,

I think i have also given a lot more than people give me credit for,

I remember many moments across decades where i was an silent observer but you need to consider if these moments would have occurred if i was not there.

I don't take credit for the people,i don't take credit for their actions ,its theirs
and theirs alone,the loyalty,friendship,passion and purity of actions and thoughts.


But i have always been there when these moments have passed and you had your doubts
i have always been there to see you fail and get up,i have been there for a lot
even when everyone else was not there.


You asked me why i keep these relationships .... i don't think you understand me
its been always for moments i get in return .....

And i think i ask for a small price in return.I just want a fair trade .

I have just asked for a few moments in a long journey and if i dont get those moments its not worth it for me to be a part of the journey any more.

I have been there where it all began ,but am sure i will not be there when it will all end ...

so thank you for everything ,we had my moment in the sun
but i really did not get what i came for here,i did not get what i wanted for in a long time


The story will go on as i have always known it will go on but I will not be a part of it anymore.

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes, again

Blankness

Being at peace with blankness is surreal ...

Blankness ..... I do not know how to describe this feeling ,where i cannot see my future at all ......
i look inside my mind and i see nothing ... its not darkness ... its just that there is nothing there .....

I have miserable and in pain for most part of by life ....

The first time i stared at blankness was 3 years ago ,when i achieved my first real dream ...
The feeling of true happiness took a long time to sink in . Often i used to wonder if it was all a dream and than i would wake up to dreadful reality .

Months went by and dream was still on .... i started to believe that this was all real ...
I got more than what i had hoped for in past 3 years , of first time in my life i was at peace with my self .... and for a brief instant in time i was truly happy

My mind took a quantum leap that i could be proud of .... there is nothing more i could want in life ...

Its not that i do not have desires ... i want the world .... but that is because of my ego ,achieving these desires will get a sense of achievement ,fulfilling my ego ... but i know it cannot bring me happiness ...
happiness is a rare emotion ...  i known things which make be happy ,and they are all in my mind .... i do not need any external source to bring me peace or happiness ....  i can be get brief moments of joy whenever i want .....

But staring at blankness is something i have not yet understood ... and i dont know if it will go away
or i want it to go away ....

maybe i need to find a new dream .... maybe i need to be miserable again ,i tried to go back to my old life .... but i just couldnt ... my mind is truly at peace .....

There is nothing that i want from the world  my world is in my mind and its more radiant than a thousand sons  ..... i will break away soon and be completely consumed in mind and spirit ...
i long for that day where blankness takes over ....

Future

What does the future hold for me … for all of us.I feel scared whenever i think about this ….

how will i die,how will people i care about die.How will this impact me.Do i have the courage to see them die.

will i have the courage to do what is necessary at the end.How will this affect me.How will i survive without them.

Let’s face it i am a total misfit with no skill to survive.I have absolutely no skills to make real world decision.

or will i perish before them.Will they remember me.Will i get a great farewell.How will my last day be …..

Seeing my friends getting married,engaged,in relationship,starting a job,buying a house.i wonder will i ever get these things

then again i can only hear the world laughing at my friends and “Welcoming then to the machine”

I think about how we were important big fishes in a small pond.And how we entered a environment where we had to start

from the bottom….Will i ever become a big fish again ….
Being a giant in a small world ….or being a dwarf in a large universe …… and of failing ….
Then again i have realised that there will always be a bigger pond,bigger universe …..

Then atlast i think about john galt ……. have a good laugh,tell my self to screw the world ,my fickle mind ,irrelevant past , insignificant future and get on with the job …….

Parliment is supreme

Politicians always say that parliament is supreme.It is place where the fate of the country should be decided.The justification for this is that the members of parliament are elected by the people,hence whatever they say in the parliament is the voice of the people.No argument could be more flawed in the current scenario.How accessible are the Members of parliament,how can we approach them to give suggestion,what qualification do they hold to decide and vote on all the matters,who are the council of advisers of MP's,what are the qualification of MP's,Is there a system where members of constituency can voice their opinion on a particular legislation that is passed,how can MP's be made accountable if the go against the people of constituency . And on top of all their flaws,they make a mockery of parliament by reducing all debates to achieve political gains so that they remain in power rather than doing good for the country.
All laws made in the parliament will be best law,no one else in the world can come up with better system.This is also wrong.The quality of debates are so poor that you would think that do they have any rationale at all.They hold the constitution is supreme,it is the world of god and no improvements can be made in the constitution.The reject any new ideas based on the constitution,they reject any new ideas citing stability,they reject new ideas unless they are to profit from it.It is not a case that MP are not be trusted.But the are so closed and not transparent that they make it impossible to trust their judgement.
Contitution as envisioned at the time of formation of  country is supreme,.But it is also outdated.It was based on the view that will of the house will be the will of the majority.It was based on the premise most of people will be rational,hence the people they elect will the rational.And the decision they take in parliament will be rational.It always took into consideration that majority will be right and consist of rational minded people.But this premise is false.The rationale they present in the parliment is illogical and deceiving .The motives for their judgement are questionable.This leads us to conclusion that their decisions are biased.But the hope was that such people would be in the minority and majority will offset and correct such views.However in the current system.The majority is irrational and rational people are in minority.Theirs voice and decision hence have become irrelevant .This basic flaw which was not envisioned by the creators of constitution .This flaw must be rectified for parliamentary democracy to function efficiently again.
MP are not accountable for the stand they take in parliament.They donot need to provide any justification.We do not know on what basis they have made their decision.Have they taken into account the members of the constituency.How do the communication with the people who elected them.Do they have any mechanism so that people can approach them with view's.how does the voice of the people echo in parliament.how to the people address their griveance and concern to the MP's .These systems are not in place.So how can the MP's be justified in saying that they are the voice of the people just by the virtue that they have won a election that takes place once in 5 years.There must be a mechanism to challenge the MP's and challenge the parliament so that they work efficiently.They must mandatory work for prescribed number of hours,they must be penalized for disrupting and creating chaos in parliament.Their statements in the parliament must be held accountable and scrutinized.How come MP's can criticize the constitution in the parliament but when a common citizen does so he is a traitor.
Parliamentary democracy has turned into a monarchy.Most people in the parliament have remained in power irrespective of their performance,work they have done.This indicates a inherent flaw in the system.In a country of a billion people are there only a few 100 people whose are eligible to lead and decide the fate of the nation.New people must emerge and given a change.Successive terms as MP's must be discontinued.Otherwise the circle of power will never end.Once people who hold power will always remain in power.
MP's say that they are under constanty scrutiny and are unfairrly blamed.They have taken the responsibility of running the country.They have to bear the scrutiny and blame for failures collectively.In our system it not that only government takes the decision,it is the parliment.Hence entire parliament and distorted view of constitution is accountable for the state of apathy in the country.
If some people raise their voice against this,they are called as self righteous people.If some people present new and improved ideas to parliament,they are discarded due to massive egos of the MP's.The debates  in the parliament are mind numbing and disturbing.The result and conclusion of the debates are scary.Why should we trust such a parliament,why should we hold it supreme .......

Chaos

I have never known how to react when suddenly something totally unexpected,something impossible happens.
It may so happen that out impossible dreams  came true or our worst nightmare .
This is a rare occasion in my life where in one of my dream may have come true.I still do not believe that all this is happening.
My first reaction was I entered into a mode of denial,i refused to believe that this is really happening,that this was all a dream and i would wake up any moment now.
After few day have passed and i did not find myself waking up,i began evaluating the reason for my success.
One of the reason for my disbelief was that i did not think i was deserving enough to succeed.i had done very poorly at the test and it was a impossible chance at success.
I am unable to comprehend why i succeeded,why i was chosen based on what criteria.
I was some chaotic order of universe combined with my inherently paranoid nature that lead to a series of events that lead me to succeed.
I could have failed,i could have succeeded ,absolutely anything was possible on the day of my test.
"When i completed the first round and was waiting for the result for hours,where the began announcing the result i entered the hall the exact moment they were announcing my name,extremely weird coincidence.i still cannot believe that happened,
i check the result several time to check that it was indeed my name that was called
not entirely sure what lay ahead,i was called for the next round,i finished the round and when i was about to leave ,due to my inherently paranoid nature i check the result again and again found that i had one more test.
and it was because of this test that i was most likely selected.If i had not been such a paranoid person i would have left without checking the result again and most likely have failed.
the test also was not particularly good for me,and since there was nothing to loss i provided a display of some of my ego,i would like to thing that also had some part in my selection."
all the event determine heavily by chaotic order of universe made me come to the conclusion that one does not control ones destiny .since chaos can make or break you at any time
what one can control is be one true self under all circumstance
One can be our true paranoid weird self that and do thing that make one happy,do thing that one want's to do without regard for past of future.Since past has already occurred and there is never a point living in the past and due to inherently chaotic order of universe one can never control the future.
For if ever there was a right way i truly believe that this is it.accept the chaos and randomness of the universe and do the the best thing the only thing I can do and will do is to be me ,weird paranoid me........

26 Years

my friend always used to tell birthdays are not occasion to celebrate
we should be in fact be dark and gloomy as they bring us one year closer
to our death.

One more year has gone by ....
One more year of failure
one more year of lost promises
last year i had promised that next 25 year would count
for something ,bit here i and again as a failed and miserable soul

i has always take time in the past to enjoy this one day
to feel free without looking at my moral code

One more year has gone by ....
i punished my self today,i tried not to enjoy today

but still the day seemed special
it's what one feels,sad most of their lives
and only takes time to be happy or pretend to be happy
on certain days or occasion in our lives

and I think I am turning into something ordinary

it's like i have realized i am suddenly falling from the sky
and that i do not know to fly

fate is inevitable .no matter what path you choose

i have tried many things in the past to change the path of my life
try to achieve the good things in life
to improve the quality of my life,to do the right thing

i have failed at everything i have tried,
not lived up to the standard i had set for myself

i do not know where i go from here
if i will be here next year to continue the story
still running a lost race or completely surrendered to fate

i will remember today,because where I go from here
to heaven or hell gets decided from this point on ......
i will have a resolve made of stone .......

Failed again

I had failed yesterday
may entire life was judged in 10 min today
i tried ...well maybe not the best 
i have failed again .
i will neither by happy not successful
i will suffer from now until the dawn.i will never be happy ....ever
there will never be any redemption,and i ain't asking for none

Failed

I have failed. I have realized that i would never succeed in my current position I have let gone one of my dreams. Dream of immortality has faded possibly lost. I will take a break,a break from all that i am a stupid,disillusioned hypocrite. I will improve,i will come back.

Ayodhya

Babri Mosque , was alleged to have been built on the foundations of a Ram Janmabhoomi temple.
This temple was believed to be the actual birthplace of Lord Ram.
The Hindus claim that a temple at the spot was demolished to build this mosque.
About 500 years ago Babar, the founder of the Mughal dynasty destroyed the temple to build a mosque

so what the hindu right wing activist do was destroy the mosque to build a temple in return
if these parties VHP,BJP,RSS,Hindu Mahasabha are trying to establish a moral ground for their claim
on the land ,i fail to see so .

if the temple was destroyed by Babur he was a very evil man
but i fail to see how the religious fanatics who destroyed the mosque are any better than Babur.

this to again reiterate the fact that religious fanatics cannot claim any high moral ground for
the actions they have commited . the are as evil as people who had destroyed the temple.

if i may say so .i do not think they are even human being.
any normal god fearing human would have been consumed by unverable guilt for destroying the
mosque and consequences of which still plague this country

but these people refuse to even appologise for their actions,they feel no remorse
Purpose of religion has alwas been to make people more civilised and more humane .
but religion has made these people into barrbarians .
These people are not supporters of Ram there are RAVANS of today.

how have these people honoured Ram ,how have these people honoured Ayodhya ?
actions of these people to claim power,money and fame have been at cost of lakhs of innocent lives
what God would support this , what rational human being would support this ?

name of Ram is no longer associated with the peace,prosperity,integrity,greatness,courage,perfectne human,,the ideal man
name of Ram is associated with saffron,name of Ram is associated with fear,name of Ram has come to be associated
with the unfortunate incident that took place

how have they honoured the name of Lord Ram ....

The Atharva Veda called Ayodhya "a city built by gods and being as prosperous as paradise itself".
today nobody knows Ayodhya as a prosperous city.people know Ayodhya as disputed land
where a mosque was demolished and chain of events leading were triggere which lead to
loss of so many innocent lives .

how have these religious fanatics claiming to be voices of their religion honoured Ram
how have these religious fanatics honoured Ayodhya ,
how have these people honoured ram janmabhumi which they claim to worship .


Courts today have failed to upheld the rule of law.
the right thing to do was to ressurect the mosque.
you cannot allow savage people to take law into their own hands and reap the rewards for the same.

"eye for and eye will make the whole world blind"
even if temple had existed there,even if the temple was demolished to build the mosque
it was utterly wrong of these people to demolish the mosque.
they should have let go of the temple,or built the temple some other location

i am a non believer but i think i understand religion ...

what is this insane obsession to build a temple ?
their fanatic views have time and again plunged the country into chaos .

havent these people realised that they have been cause of misfortune and deaths of so many people
and that they will never be allowed to pass though the gates of heaven .
only hell would await them when they die .......

Ram will not strike down upon us with great vengeance if we do not construct a gand temple for him .
or construct the temple at some other location.

"God is willing to adjust,it is humans that are sttuborn,adamant and unwilling to adjust."

The hill

i think i have inability to grasp the seriousness to achieve my goals,
seriousness to succeed.
i know what is the right thing to do

but i let time pass ,like a stubborn silly child
i decide that i would not run up the hill
i would climb the hill at my own pace

people always keep telling me the
hills too steep to climb for me,
and somehow i keep proving them right

i have a few months to set things right i my list
i can only try more harder,try to be a bit more serious
and hope i will finally be able to climb the hill
i will finally be able to acknowledge my futile existance .

Sorry

Sorry for everything i have spoken so far....
it was not me that spoke these words.it was someone else
it was a person i wanted to be.But it was not me
i am a irresponsible worthless fool ...
forgive me if i have ever spoken to you
it i have uttered words of logic,
forget everything i ever said ,because i never
said it .
sorry for the deception .....
sorry for everything
please forget everything i have ever said
please forget everything i ever was ....
please forget me ................

The world

the world around us.
no matter how much we try escape .we cannot escape it
it influences us,it makes us who we are,then breaks us
it allows us to be and not to be ...

we are sometime as strong as world will allow us to be .
it one day the world say's,that's enough you can rise no more
we would helplessly stand still and wait till world allow's us to rise
resistance is futile ,it is the will of the world against our will

we are sometimes as weak as the world will allow us to be
it tells you ,you we strong for so long,now allow yourself to become weak
it deceives us by using kind words ,while it is not our will but
the will of the world that has succeed .as once we become weak
world will never again let us become strong .

we shall not listen to the world.
we shall neither be strong ,neither be weak
we shall oppose the world .we shall neither be black nor white
we shall try to be everything the world will not allow us to be ..... we shall be me

little Prince

You never know when you will miss someone when they are gone

letting go is never easy,but there is nothing more difficult of letting go of someone you really care about

and in their passing they take away something that can never be replaced which leaves a hole within you

and this hole seems to grow deeper because of the feeling deep inside where you know

that you will never meet again ....

i am entitled to shed a few tears of sadness,i am entitled to cry,i am entitled to be human

i am sad and i am also angry,i have no clue what i am supposed to feel.

i suck at saying goodbye's and so do you

For hope and happy ending's .... i wish you all the best

my greatest support ,my teacher,my friend.

we have set out on our path's.

i have a months head start on you.i will not waste this time when i am ahead

i will reach the top of the world before you ....

Message

when someday you wonder what has happened to me
you will read this and know that i had warned you well in advance .

this decision is not taken as a result of anger

this is a cold blooded logical decision .

one must know which bridge's to cross and which bridge's to burn

and this in one bridge that must burn.

we know the path's we are supposed to set out on.we know our destination.

We are never going to meet again ...... at least till we succeed

and i will not give a real reason for this decision.

you want a reason here it is.i cannot be around people to whom the mere sight of me

is torture.

Everything is Lost

i have lost everything .
there is nothing left but a hollow existence .
all that i thought i was is lost .
my ego has lost,my mind has lost .every inch of me has lost
i failed to live upto my expectations .i was never even close.
i have lost and i have nowhere to go.it's too late in the day for me to change
too late to look back and life and search for a better way.
i come to see that life i led is a complete lie .
but i do know to lead an other kind of life
i have to life this hollow life to the end .

i had already lost before i even began .....

out there people are creating artificial life,means of teleportation
and i am unable to comprehend calculus,
i had a dream that one day i would invent something .....
something great.
the dream still lives on ,slowly fading away day by day.....soon the dream will be forgotten
and all hope lost
i will live in mediocrity and die in mediocrity
nothing in the world would have changed by the consequence on my existence
my will soon fade away after i die and it would be as if i have never lived
i have to live with this fact .live with the fact that i have lost .......
all my hope and aspirations ,dreams have lost and
that i am and will be nothing more than me.

False Ego

Whenever one encounter's failure,one need's to check one's premises
one needs to looks at why we failed.
It was oblivious lack of effort,lack of skill and lack of knowledge
we all know that .this is no surprise .
but we need to discover how it came to be .
how come we did not try hard enough even though we knew the skill required to achieve our dreams
was it because we were overconfident .
was it because we sailing on our yesterday's triumphs
was it because we though we were so good that we did not bother to try hard enough
was it because we thought we were so good that we though that it was not i who has failed but everyone else in the world
was it because we were blinded by our false ego,was it because we were blinded because of our own ego
the ego that we were proud off,the ego that was suppose to be true ..
we need to drive away our ego . keep our ego in chains
till we are capable of controlling it.
we can no longer afford false ego blind us.we can no longer afford to fall .....

25 Years

25 years of my life totally worthless.
How can i redeem myself .
how can i make up for the things i failed to do.
how can i make up for moments i could have enjoyed
how can i make up for moments i could have cried
How can make up moments i could i lived .
how do i make up for lost times.

this year was different from previous years
i remember it has been 4 years that i have been celebrating my birthday this way.
i all the previous years i remember being angry and carrying hate i my heart
i enjoyed myself but i was still angry at all the people ,my friends,my family etc
this year the i did hot have hate and anger in my heart
i enjoyed the entire day,i lived the entire day .
and i realized the key to my happiness is myself
but the key to anger and hate are other people in my life
so only rational conclusion seems to me is to attain detachment from everyone i know
i will be alone .i will be happy .i will be as i am now !!!!!

one minuscule accomplishment

I thought i would end ... but it did not
I will have to wait .... wait alone ..... i have to disillusion myself.
I must be free of myself . To be something better,to become someone better.
I thought i had changed in all these years,i thought i had grown .
But i realize it was all a lie , i was just pretending ,i was lying to myself and everyone around me.
And i have lived this life so long that it has become a part of me .
If i stop pretending ,i cannot even imaging what i would do ....
I will wait .... It seems so far away .....i can see no path to succeed
but what else can i do by try .I do not know what else to do
I have to wait,i have to try ....that all that i know to do .... what else can i do .....
Giving up this life ,choosing to become someone else does not seem like a option
i have accepted failure,i have accepted defeat,but accepting my limits does not seen like a option
i had come some way,from being a brainless drone to what i am today.i have to believe i can go further
If i accept my limits ,what will i do for the rest of my life ,
how would i be able to live the reset of my life
Only thing i have left that is pure is my ego .... I will have to let go of it ,if i accept my limits
I really love my Ego .....
i have to be someone better .A life to no accomplishments ... this is not the time i can let go .....
I have to try one muster atleast minuscule accomplishment .Then look further from there ....
I am not looking to become greater,i am not looking for grandeur .... i am looking for one minuscule accomplishment

Law of nature

Law of nature is to choose the path of existence which offer's the least resistance,
Every thing in nature from plants,animals,insects as well as elemental forces of nature like
electricity,gravity,magnetism,wind and water etc choose the path that offer the least resistance.
they are bound by the law's of nature to do so.
Humans are somewhat different,we are offered a choice to choose the path for our self.
One often makes various choices,and ends up choosing the path of maximum resistance
one struggles,fight's against law of nature and there is a infinitesimal chance that one succeeds.
unlike other elements of nature which do not possess the ability to learn and acquire knowledge
humans have been provided with a faculty to alter one's nature.
Hence one can choose to be anything
And more often than not one want's to become something other than what one presently is
or something other than what nature has chosen him to become.
Since choosing to become something else is going against nature ,one is bound to encounter
great struggle to overcome the laws of nature.
One count on allies to help one out in this ordeal.
One has to and must do this alone if he truly wishes to succeed
One cannot even be sure that he can defeat nature.
For some it may take second's and for some it may take a lifetime to overcome nature
But like all those who have tried know that if one encounters failure it is not because nature
cannot be defeated,it is only because one has not tried hard enough.
For all those who succeed understand or deserve to say that there is no such thing as law of nature
The journey,the path of struggle,the choice one made was all an illusion,a fragment of ones imagination.
In the end ,those who have succeeded deserve to say that this is what they were all alone

Do i really want to live

All the events going on in the world seem like random act's.

Instinctive reactions to some invisible stimulus .

A voice shouting in our head "Do we really want to live ?"

We are not sure and in our indecision we have succumbed to voices in our head accepted the futility of asking such a question .

We begin to talk to ourself .We tell ousrself Not searching for the answer to the questions in our head surely takes a toll on us ...Makes us a little crazy

But then again the answer is equally like to shatter us ,again wrapped in indesicion we are faced with choices which will leads to the

same place no matter what we choose,We realize that

if all the paths lead to the same place then choice is just a matter of illusion ,

If we are all destined to die,what difference does it make how we lead our lives ,if final destination is the same

Then life and our act of living this live is just a pretence .There is no purpose to life at all.

Sure if heaven existed ,god would have sent us to heaven considering all the good deeds we have done during our life time

But we know that heaven and hell do not exist and neither does God.We wish that god existed everything would be so simple.

Future would be so clear.But he does not .

So then again to fill in the void call life we need to create a illusion for ourself and everyone around us.

So we create a abstraction to justify our existence . And We call this abstraction "Purpose of life "

We never Define it,we never quantify it,we never establish it,we only whisper it deepest silent hall of our minds

We do not let anyone hear it not ever ourself .

And the Nature of the abstraction is irrelevant at this point and is saved for future discussion.

We all live with this pretence ,But we are never to speak of it.

As it always existed,there lies an abstration majority of people choose to adopt.

And if you find yourself in the majority ,You will begin to see the world a little bit differently ,

And you will hate and despise all the people who have choosen other abstrations and vice versa .

Because of differences in these people they are capable of seeing the other people truly are

an with this knowledge we begin to see what we truly are also.

Most of the human race realises this so we never try to recognize anybody who is different .

They only way to know that two people are different is for them to have seperate identities .,for them to have

distinct individual traits.

Hence to shield our selves from knowing the truth all we have to do is never possess any individuality ,

It's really simple,

All we have to do is always agree with what other people

And only share a opinion which eveyone will agree .Never possess a opinion different from others.

Possess and learn the same ideas,Like the same songs,read the same book

Follow and adopt each others abstrations ,Life will turn into a wondeful journey

a false journey but nontheless a wonderful journey

We will all be the same

We will all be different

It really does not matter

We all have to live

We are all doomed to die ..........

I have still not answered the question in my head

Do we really want to live ?

May be i will save it for another day .....

conversation with creator

Questions :
Is there something called as creativity or originality.
Can something that is created by totally pure and original
How can one say that one has created something original,
Can any creation come into existance without any extrenal influences,

Answer:
When man creates something he tresspasses the territory of God.There have be such great men
of unparalled vision in our history.
But there have been also other great creations as well.
but these derived from external infulences,taking nothing away from these creation they were
magnificent and great creations but they were not original.
Many times the creator are unaware that their creations were un original,

Question :
Not this leads to the question that can the creator be absolutely totall sure that his creation is totally original
and is not derieved fromany external influences.

Answere:
In a society of men it is sad but also true that there is very little originality
Every emotion every expression of man is not a original creation but a reaction
to things he experiances during the cource of his life .
Most of man's creation have come out of sheer need rather than unparalled vision.
And the society we live is always in chaos,so are the mind's of men.
All the creations consciously or sub-consciously have arised from infulence of other men
So one need to analyse ones's thoughts,live and the path that lead to the creation to
understand and arrive and the conclusion that his work ,his creation is truly original.
Even if his memory was wiped of and he was left alone in a deserted island,
he would find a way to get closer to his creation,it would take him thousand years
of knowledge for him to reach is goal,evolving from a mindless savange ,
but a creative mind would get there eventually .I surely think it would get there eventually.

Question :
So to create something original,does one not take any present knowlege

Answer
One Learns of from all the knowlege that is available to him,
The vision and hard work of all the creator that came before him
all this knowlege will lead him to his creation,and thought his creation he pasy
homage to all these great men that came before him and would come after him,
surely none of the men who came before him would have been able to create what he
has created,but his creation would also not be possible without the knowlege of all
the creators that came before him,right from the man who create the fire,the first invention
of man kind,Thus posessing the knowlege one's creation is original one must not
forget to pay homange to the pioneer's of knowledge.

If this creator looses all the knowledge he possesses,even if he was truly great
it would take him a thousand years to come about to arrive at his creation
to create everything from the stone age to golden age,
So matter how great one rises ,on must try to be humble atleat in the domain
of creator's of knowlege.

This is me :

Is it a burden or a gift i do not know,A curse or a blessing .
But i have come to hold it,i do not know what to make of it .
I always dreamed about kneeling before the people who held it and pray
It was like one of those thing you know you can never have no matter how hard you tried.
It almost feels like a dream that i have come to possess it and in all probability it is a dream.

I might just wake up and the world would be the way it was supposed to be
The world the way was when we were young,A magnificent place of magic and great miracles ,
filled with great men,leaders ,Hero's ,sugar spice and everything nice
A place where love was real and true .Where people lived and died by their word,
Where truth,friendships,courage,valor and hope prevailed .
A place where Good always won .
A Real fairy tale world.
A place greener than Heaven itself ......

I have been waiting for years now,neither have i woken up nor has the world turned up the way it
was supposed to.It was my function to record events occurring in the world observing from a silent
corner of the universe .I was meant to be the invisible man .
I was nor capable nor supposed to interfere in the worldly events,i could not
be trusted ,i could not be counted upon when required.I simply could not be trusted to hold this in
my hand.But i have told earlier always dreamed about possessing this it every second of my life.

People are generally born with gifts .Some say it is his hereditary genome ,some say it is a gift from the
god's,some say it is karma,others say it is destiny .I was fortunate enough to meet some of these people .
some of these people were my friends ,some of them were people i knew,others were people i had viewed from
a distance.These people who possessed great abilities ,people who were destined to someday rule the universe.
I did not realize this when i was a growing up i did not realize this when i met these people.
But some inconceivable force had led me to all these people.I came about to notice these gifts in people
i do not know how,but i believe this was the underlying reason i met these people .This has been a common
trait amongst all these people i came about to meet during my lifetime .This was not a gift of mine ,
but it so came to happen that people i came about to meet randomly turned out to be men of
extraordinary talent.Neither did i go out of my way to befriend these people,neither was there
any motive to befriend these people,some random chaotic events unfolded which enabled me to
get a glimpse of lives of these men.The force of chaos still prevalent and still as mysterious as khaos was
.Coming in contact with these men made me notice one more thing ,
it was a observation made when i was still a child,i had absolutely no talents what so ever .
I was born without devoid of any gifts at all.I had often wondered about this observations
and asked the question why me ? why me ? like a child pondering on the question when he is one who
is outcast from the gang,teased ,ridiculed . Made to beg and cry to be accepted into the group and at the
end realize that the other children just wanted him to beg and cry and make a fool of himself
but they were never going to accept him in their gang no matter what he did .Why me ?I often wondered
why was i not given anything nor brains,nor the balls to stand up for my self,not any skills .
i was still a child then,i still believed that everything in the world was good, i believed in karma
and i did not know why this awful curse was laid upon me ,Why me ???? i used to ask my self ??????
This is one of the strongest childhood memory that i have,memory of being cast out.
This memory has haunted me most of my life,it would take about two decades before i can
vanish this demon from my mind .
And realizing where i stand today and what i have become,i can only utter the truth that i had not in
my wildest dreams thought that i would be here at the top of the sacred mountain.
Nor did brothers ever conceive that even i could make it to this sacred place,they were
surprised,amazed and then i do not know for sure but may be even envious of me .
I was a nothing a nobody,with only a body and no mind,i did not possess an identity,
i possess no ego ,i possessed no power,but still i survived ,still i made it here,far
beyond the expectation of myself and everyone that has ever known me.
I have come to break every limit that i have known myself to bounded by .
But Even today i am still clueless as what i am supposed to become,what my purpose in life is.
I have come to realize that i have no limits,I only know that i can become whatever i want to be ..
The Story must go on as always ..And This is my role in the story .
I AM "ETERNAL UNDERDOG".

Moment of weakness is defined as the instant of time when we choose to adopt a course of action that is contradictory to our set of moral premises and absolve our selves from bearing the responsibility of our actions or the guilt of committing such an act.
moment of weakness supposedly grants us the window to be as shallow as we can be,or was shallow as we want of be without having to bear the guilt or the responsibility of the shallow thoughts and actions.Moment of weakness grants us the opportunity to become all that we despise and still permits us to enjoy it .
Moment of weakness allows us to drop our moral premise and behave purely on the basis of blank thought porcess and guided only by emotions.
Moment of weakness will grant us closure and we will be able to carry on with other activities of life.
So one should be able to recogize the time when it is our moment of weakness and behae accoring to the rules we have set for such an occasion.There are no Rules.
But how is one suppose to identify this right now is a moment of weakness we are enduring.

Is moment of weakness the time A instant of time when one feels helpless and unarmed against all their up against.
The above can happen because of two possible reasons.Either you have begun to deteriorate or all that you are up against has become stronger.
In such a case on can be caught off guard because of one's inability to estimate and analyze the situation at hand and our inability to analyze oneself.
And thus one has to face defeat in such a situation.
And we fell weakened and lost at such times,at times when we are defeated.
This is still and honorable and rightful defeat where one is penalized for ones inability and lacking of skill and talent.And one has every right to experience weakness.
It leads to moment of depression,moments of guilt,moments of self pity,moments of anger,moments of self punishment and often it is a mixture of all such moments.But these are all valid emotional responses to the situation.
But none of the emotional responses allows one to adopt a course of action that is contradictory to our set of moral premises .So none of the above emotional reponse constitute a moment of weakness
Hence the emotional reponse to the state of mind when when one feels helpless and unarmed against all their up against does not constitute moment of weakness.

Is moment of weakness a time when when we feel tired and exhausted and need a break
If one is leading their life or atleast attemting to lead a course of live according to our set of moral premise.
one would be happy that they are oursuing right cource of action.
It one feels tired and exhausted leading their lives and need a break
It only means they have lost the enjoyment one used to obtain from such a life,and thus the desire of leading this life vanishes.
Such an situation gives rise to emotions of nostalgia,depression,self pity .It should leave one blank and wandering and struggling in the middle of nowhere,
If we lack the ability to pursue a further cource of action it should leave us stranded at a standstill a stalemate position with our life.
And we begin to question in self pity that what is the purpose of our life,what is the point of it all,kowing the answer still seeking some kind of assurance or
affirmation of one's exitance thought some one else.Thus such a moment just grants us self pity.
But this still does not consititue a moment of weakness,It still does not justify our inability to fell guilt inspite of commiting actions violating our moral premise.

There are many such occasions when one fells that all is lost and there is no point going on.
But none of these justify any emotional reponse that grants one a moral blank cheque.
No matter what the situation it does not grant us to pursure course of action that is contradictory to our set of moral premises and absolve our selves from bearing the responsibility of our actions or the guilt of committing such an act.No situation grants a moral blank cheque to be as shallow as we can be.

So if there are no events that can justify the our so called moments of weakness .
It leads to only one conclusion that so called moment of weakness is false,
it is a illusion we have created for ourself and world around us.
We are dropping all the moral premise we hold willingly during the undefined moments called mpments of weakness and in order not to fell the guilt and bear the responsibility of our actions at such times we create a illusion and a rule stating that during moments of weakness we are allowed to err and not fell guilt for are mistake,so we grant our selves a moral blank cheque at such instants.

So whenever our moral premise fails we declare that it has failed because it was our moment of weakness.Since moment of weakness is only defined in such terms.
SO one will never have the need accept guilt or responsibility,whenever on feels guilty or when the time comes to accept responsibility
we pretend to hide under the false cloak on invisiblity ,
we put on a act for our self and the entire world and declare that is our moment of weakness.

So infact moments of weakness are loopholes we have discovered or rather choose to create in our moral premise.
Because of existance of such loopholes we can pretend to be morally right and whenever we feel like abdicate from our moral responsiblity.

Moral premise is absolute in nature,it should be valid at all time under all circumstance.
Our Virtues are the Qualities we have aquired by following our moral premise.

One canot claim to be a true patriot at times of peace and when there is war hide unde the buker when your county is getting destory.I shows that you were pretending to be a patriot.
similarily if one endorses the concept of moment of weakness ,one is just pretending to be morally right,all the Virtues one thinke he has aquired
on account of his moral premise are false,since moral premise one thinks one posesses is false.
It is not worng for an individual to possess a moral blank cheque,On may do so out of blindness,foolishness,arrogance etc

To pretend and justify one's moral premise and at the same time commit actions that contradict the very same moral premise is unjustified.
Moment of Weakness is unjustified .
A individual can be weak and wrong,but one cannot escape this reality by creating a illusion of Moment Of Weakness.

Anger : Pseudo Anger

Emotions are outcome's or the result of one's thought process.
If one does not have a thought process,one may never know the reason whay they fell happ or sad,angry or depressed.
Emotions would just randomly flow thoughout their lives with no purpose at all.
Today i felt anger and hatered.I felt the desire to inflict suffering,i felt the desire to take revenge.
But i knew the reason that lead to these emotions were not something external but within me.

I truly believe that it is wrong to be angry at anything that is external to me.
I can only be angry at myself,I am the source and resason of anger
but sometimes consioulsy on subconsciously this anger directed towards myself
begins to manifest and transform and appears that someone or something external is responsible for it.
So the anger that runs thorugh my mind is a pseudo anger created by the true anger hidden in deep corner of my mind.

All the times i have been angry at someone or something i have infact been angry at myself.
I and begening to see this more clearly.It took a long time for me to get here.
It had been evident all along.

I can see the source of my anger,but i have not learnt to supress or defeat the emotion.
I am still angry writing these words.
I do know why it has started,i know the reason of true anger
but i cannot identify the trigger that lead to creation of pseudo anger,i do not know the reason
why the pseodo anger was created.
And once again any unknown element of my mind is successful in tilting the balence of my mind.
I get angry thinking pseudo anger is cause of chaotic state of mind,i get more angry not knowing the reason of pseudo anger
And it makes me more angry that i can not control it and stop it.The more i think about it the more angry i get.
I am caught in a redudant cycle of "Pseudo Anger "that is consuming time,energy and me.

i ought to learn to expresss my anger,by i have lived such that i have no object or shape to direct my anger at.

The real anger is easy to Get over.It can be identified easily and
actions can be taken in that direction to make the anger vanish.
It the reason for the anger seems irrational and stupid,logic can de developed to negate the anger.
But how can you defeat and invisible,unknown force.

I have to let pseudo anger burn out and die,I have to endure the consequences,
Till i learn to control this element of my mind.

Silence . . .

I hear voices all around me
Voices filled with lies,hypocracy,hate,envy,false pride
lifeless words that have no meaning or purpose just created to fill the void,to fill the silence
Voices created because there is nothing else their creators are capable of
Or the voices were created becuse these were the only thing their creators were capable of.

I hear voices all around me
so many different voices shouting as if they are competing against each other
These voices never stop,never surrender,never die down
These voices have destroyed silence,nobody remembers what silence truly stood for.
And these voices have everyone under the illusion that this continuous,everlasting,random,unorganised symphony
of these voices is silence

These voices are so loud
I am unable to hear my own voice
I have to shout aloud,i have to compete with these voices
so that i can hear my own voice
So that i can hear myself

I hear voices all around me
I here voices that i no longer care about
These Voices that do not envoke any feeling in me
but i cannot forget these voices

I hear voices all around me
I am no longer going to listen to them
I will no longer compete with them,i will no longer add to them
I will travel to the place where this "human noise" will never reach me
i will travel to the place where i can hear my own voice clearly
A Place where i can hear silence
Pure,true undulterated silence ....

Clean Slate

Today is just about to end.
Tomorrow will be a new day
A day when i will start on a clean slate.

Everything i have done till now will be nullified
All my achievements and all my faliures .
I will draw from the previous experiance all that i can
All that will help me in my future endeavours
All that will help me to better my self.

only if I could start on a clean slate
it is such an easy thing to say
But hardly can be put into practice
I surely draw from my prevoius experiance and try to better mysekf
it is easy to even negate my achievements and start all over again

but to forget faliures i think is impossible.
we may recover from our faliures,we may reach beyond what we dreamed
But the day i failed will always be etched in my memory
It will keep haunting me,till i breakdown and die

I accept myself with all my faliures and faults
I have to overcome the faliures and eliminate my fault
This will not lead me to a place where i am profoundly happy
But surely bring peace to my mind
i know that i can never start on a clean slate or now
no longer wish to start on a clean slate any more . . .

EGO

Up unitl now i thought i knew what i was searching in life

I thought it was happiness,absolute true happiness

I believed with all my heart that i was searching for happiness
i did not know any means to achive this.

At times i was really happy but i couldn't find the reason why i was happy
i could not find a way to make it last forever
So i was sad the rest of the time was unhappy

My actions were not directed toward goal to be happy,
On days which i called a good day a productive day, it was not the feeling of hapiness that consumed me
It something else .may be something that was much more important to me than happiness

When i uttered these words everything fell into place
-----------------------
fullfillement of my "EGO".
-----------------------
Yes this was it.
I do the things i do,I believe in the ideas i believe in,I am what i am
Every thing i do,say or think is directed toward this fullfillment of my EGO
It didnt matter if i was truly happy,it only matters that my EGO be satisfied

It is actually a great big never ending cycle.
All things that i do,say or believe make up my EGO.
and Every thing i do,say or think is directed toward this fullfillment of my EGO
ie all thing things that satisfy my EGO derive their very sources from this EGO.
Whenever i used to say true to myself i never knew which is my true self
I know i am true to something ,i could never put a finger on what it is ...
It is my EGO,my great big gigantic EGO

i know my EGO will never be fullfilled,i know i will never be complete
I may never be happy or content or satisfied
But there is no better or more truthful way for me

I can never rest till my EGO is satisfied
I can never be at peace till the "IDEA of ME Comes True".
This is the fools hope that live's on in me ...

i will never change

Ocean's are rising
children are crying
Ships are flying
angel's are dying
But i will never change
but i will never change

children are growing
friends are drifting
lines are breaking
and path's are shifting
But i will never change
and i dont want to change

People are choking
ego's are breaking
saints are chating
and satan is laughig
But i will never change
but i will never change

World is changing
monsters are waking
memories are fading
and shows are ending
But i will never change
and i dont want to change

carry the weight of the world

We are all growing up....
Trying to find our identity....
Striving hard to achieve or dreams ...
Fullfilling the reponsibilities of our family...

Time is such a rare commodity in such times .
We have no time to breath peacefully.
We have no time to do the things we really want to do
We have no time to talk to our parents ,siblings and relatives.
We have no longer have time for our friends and loved ones

We are under the illusion that we are in a never ending race
and we blindly keep on running very very hard.
We think we are facing the greatest of hardhips anydody has ever faced
(may be social or physological hardships)
We think we are destined to change the course of the world by our actions.

We think "we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders"

We become self obsorbed and fail to see life from any other view than our own.
We do not find a minute to spare of other people.not a few minutes to spare from
our scheme to change the world.

Soon we loose touch with many of our friends.
Our loved ones get farther away from us.
We are unable to understand this behavour of people.
We wish that they should understand our situtation and compromise a bit
Then we beome angry at them for holding their ground.

no we begin to believe with even more conviction and some self pity that
"we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders"

Now we are left all alone........

Smoke

People start smoking for various reasons.

They start smoking as it delivers a heightened sense of feeling,they start smoking as they think it the a means to breaking away from rules and regulations imposed upon us.soon people get addicted to it.

But it is not the addiction that causes people to continue smoking.

Any rational person knows cirarate smoking is injurious to health.And saying injurios to health is a understatement.It is only justified to state that it causes "death".But this does not stop people from smoking.

Why do people smoke .....Why don't they quit ......

Smoking is a sign of weakness.
It is generally exhibited by people who are not sure of themselves.

These people are insecure and weak.They want to potray a strong image of themselves to the world around and to themselves.

They believe that by smoking they are making a statement.

They are trying to tell everyone that they are rebellious,independent people who won't follow the rules and regulations imposed by society.And do not care that others may think of them.

They are trying to show that they are strong and courageous and that they are not afraid to smoke,they are not afraid of death.

They believe smoking is an act which expresses thier freedom.

------------- written by a smoker ----------------------------

slave to the power of death

We have very little control over the events that unfold in this vast universe.
Our lifes are just a series of coincidences.
And we have so little contrl over our lives
I will never know at what instant of time I choose to tread this path
or consequences of what actions have lead to this moment.

This moment where time has stopped still.
I hang in the balence between life and death.
A voice screams from deep inside me
I dont to die ...
not from fear of death or fear of pain.
But from the uncompromising "desire to live".

I survived.I am still alive.

But I have realized i am a slave to the power of death.
My ego,my desires,my dreams all were powerless .I was powerless
Just like that everything could have ended.

Seeing Beyond

Not really sure what i want in life

few lost thoughts wander in my mind

Of the dreams lost and hopes reborn

I look upon as eternal battle of past and present wages on

Insecure and afraid I tread the unknown path

Hopeful and exited that road may lead to the stars

The dream of destination is all that i hold on

no matter what happens the fool's dream goes on

Shattered and empty refection my mind now i see

Slowly but surely the empty vessles are filled

So what if I don't have the gift of foresight

I have wisdom to tell wrong from right

what's the pleasure in conquring the known

To be king of everything but your own home

what's the pleasure of living ,knowing what's going to unfold

Let the tale unwind and ashes turn to gold

Trying forever to escape all that is real

searching for tools that make time stand still,

we will fade but our scars will never heal

as we die to live and to feel.

Finally seeing past the illusion of life

i see i have been dancing to the tunes of time

and as i see my life flash before my eyes

I see beyond the haze and know i am happy to have lived the way i always have

Ramble on

It is sometimes so painful,
to get away from someone
You have basked in their shadow,
laughed and cried in their company
They are your brothers in arms

But non the less
No matter they care or not
No matter how much it hurts you
One has to make their stand

Some actions must be commited
Even against their loved ones
Against the will of the heart
Our ego must succeed this time.

As we ramble on with our lives
and arrive at the crossroad
I choose not to follow in their footsteps
I choose to walk away,walk away from it all ....

ANGER .

Anger and hate are strange emotions.
Sometimes they arise because of valid reasons,
sometimes feel anger and hatered for no reason at all
You dont know who or what you are angry at or why ?
It is some what like irrational fear ,you know you are afraid
but can't quiet tell why or what you are afraid of.

When anger consumes you,
It controls all you thoughts and all your actions
You are angry at everyone and everything
Life turns into hell
YOu fail see anything good around you
you even fail to enjoy the thing you really like,thing for which you live
You fell so alone,in this over crowded world

You remember the good old day when everything was good
and think that those days will never return again
You think that something inside you has changed to turn you into this person
YOu think that you will never be the same again
and that you are destined for this life of anger and hate

then suddenly a few peaceful moments erases all the anger and hate
Just when you see no hope,something changes everything
You recover and you fell better than before,
You become capable of forgiving anyone even your greatest of foe's

You dont know what had happened or why it happened
You dont care for any reaon or rationality
You are just happy life is good again ....

The Lost Soul's

Every individual defines their reason's for existence.
And These very reasons define the individual.
They shape an ordinary individual to an extraordinaire being.
I am proud to have known such people.People with great minds and skills.
People who justified their reason to exist.People who defined themselves.
People who held on to their dreams and ideas no matter what the circumstances.
They tried to pursue their dreams even if they knew they would fail.

But that seems so long ago.
People change too much too quickly. I haven't quiet realized what might trigger such a change
It is as if they have completely forgotten who they were. Sure on the outside they are the same.
But i fell something is so very wrong.
They have somehow managed to forget their dreams.
These very dreams which was a driving force in their life.
Soul reason that justified their existence.
They instead choose to strive for trivial things like money,respect in society etc.

All these people suddenly have started caring about their status in society,their bank balance.The have began to judge every aspect of life by money.Happiness,success,pride,honour everything is suddenly weighed against money one possesses or one will posses in their future.The have stopped talking about their dreams and ambitions any more.all they speak about is about ways to earn more and become a success in eyes of the society.Gone are the days when they dreamed
They have finally succumbed to the machine.
A mechanical state of existence.

They are however in a state of denial about it.
Unaware or maybe unwilling to accept the truth.
The truth that they let go of everything they held dear in their life.
They constantly try to justify their actions as if someone is
judging and scrutinizing their every move.
Maybe it a justification they are trying to give to their conscience.
A justifications for The fact that they have traded heaven for hell
They have traded the hopeless romantic they were for a mechanical human drone.

They have traded a quiet and peaceful life for meaningless so called bigger dreams.

The worst thing one can possibly do is sell themselves,sell their beliefs and ideals.They have ended up selling their souls and Still find a way to justify their actions.

A person's committing such a actions may seek a road to redemption's if he was unaware of the actions he had commited.If he was an ignorant brute.

But a person intelligent enough to understand which is the right path,and still chooses the wrong and easier road cannot be redeemed.A person justifying his actions but stating that his actions are limited within the ethical boundaries he has drawn for himself.

i never thought i would really encounter such souls in my life.Because i thought one can not lay such punishment on one self

Willful ignorance is a act of crime against one self.And at the end of this road there can be no redemption only regret.

This was the very difference that separated Howard Roark and Gail Wanyand. Of late all i see around me are people who had the potential and the will to go the Howard roark's way take the path of Gail Wanyand.

Inevitability

Inevitablility derives from the Latin word vitare- (to avoid) and refer to a situation where only one alternative is considered possible.

"Time is inevitable."

Tick tock tick tock.

Time is absolute in nature.

It never compromises,it never stops,it offers no sympathy

It has no remorse.

It fullfills it purpose without any errors,doubts or regrets.

It is perpeual in nature .

For all that exists it brings forth in inevitabilites of creation and destruction.

It was indeed inevitable we were born and it is also inevitable we will die

It is inevitable we will live and it is inevitable we will deacy.

We have no choice but to accept the inevitablility of time.

"Change is inevitable"

Change is inevitable.

It is in nature that thing should and will change.

Sometimes things change consiciously.

Sometimes things change unconsiously.

Change brings about many thing with it.

Nostalgia,Melancholia,adrenalin,Fear,Excitement etc

All the emotions beyond the normal state under which we exist.

It is inevitable that we will face these emotions and

It is inevitable that we have to deal with consequences these emotions

will bring about in us.

"Choice is inevitable"

Choice is inevitable.

All our lives we crave for the freedom of choice

But when the situation finally offers us choice

Many times we are confused and lost

Other times we rise to the occasion and make the choice

It is not the fear that the choice is morally right or wrong that

makes us think before making a choice

But what consequences our choises will have

Are we ready to bear the resposibility of our choises

Choise is inevitable .it will present itself in our everyday lives

It is inevitable that we will have to choose .

These are few inevitabilities that occured in my mind

maybe to really a really good life

we need to come to terms with these inevitabilities

Like we have to come to terms with the fact that

Time never stops for anybody

We should never kill time thinking

we are young and life will be long

Most difficult thing to do is come to terms with change

To accept change and move on with our lives

to accept the fact that our childhood has gone,

our old friends have changes a lot,

to accept the fact Our dreams have changed

The earlier we accept change and come to terms with it

Easier it will be to move on with our lives

Choice.

Choice again presents itself everyday

The choice to just breath or really live

The choice to be a original or someones shadow

the choice to stand up and fight, or quietly lay down and die.

"It is inevitable that we have to face inevitables offered by life."

Seeing Beyond

Not really sure what i want in life
few lost thoughts wander in my mind
Of the dreams lost and hopes reborn
I look upon as eternal battle of past and present wages on

Insecure and afraid I tread the unknown path
Hopeful and exited that road may lead to the stars
The dream of destination is all that i hold on
no matter what happens the fool's dream goes on

Shattered and empty refection my mind now i see
Slowly but surely the empty vessles are filled
so what if I don't have the gift of foresight
I have wisdom to tell wrong from right

what's the pleasure in conquring the known
To be king of everything but your own home
what's the pleasure of living ,knowing what's going to unfold
Let the tale unwind and ashes turn to gold

Trying forever to escape all that is real
searching for tools that make time stand still,
we will fade but our scars will never heal
as we die to live and to feel.

Finally seeing past the illusion of life
i see i have been dancing to the tunes of time
and as i see my life flash before my eyes
I see beyond the haze and know i am happy
to have lived the way i always have

Ram Sethu

The Ram Sethu

In 2001, the Government of India has approved a multi-million dollar Sethusamudram Shipping Canal Project that aims to create a ship channel across the Palk Strait. The plan is to dredge the shallow ocean floor near the Dhanushkodi end of Rama's Bridge to create enough leeway allowing ships to pass through the channel instead of having to go around the island of Sri Lanka. It is expected to save nearly 30 hours' shipping time by cutting over 400 km off the voyage.

Is this the price to be paid for humans to make more money.
Is this the price to be paid for humans to gain more power.
Is this the price to be paid ? ? ?

One cannot stop gazing at the magnificent structure in sea
A structure older that the recordes history itself

The stretch of land that once connected India and Sri lanka
about 10000 years ago.

A beautiful bridge,
It almost seems like bridge reaching out to heavens in the sea

There so few thing left on this good earth
so few sights left which can inspire you
which can make you cry
so few sights which can leave you mesmerised

How can you destroy this ? ? ?

Do we have the right to Destroy this for our own Greed
What a fine soulution to all the problems we created
Destroy everything that stands in our way

But the war to save the bridge and war to destroy bridge has
brought out many different shades of people.

The Civil war :

Here A civil war has started between the DMK and VHP political parties

legacy of Ram
The name, Rama's Bridge or Rama Setu (Sanskrit; setu: bridge) for the shoal of islands derives from the Sanskrit epic Ramayana, in which a bridge from Rameswaram was built by allies of Rama that he used to reach Lanka, and rescue his abducted wife Sita from the asura king, Ravana.[2] The sea separating India and Sri Lanka is called Sethusamudram, based on the same episode.

Of fools and Of sages
DMK openly has stated it does not belive in Ram and
Bridge must be destroyed at all cost.
I would call this political suicide in a country deeply routed in religion
But the people ,the same people who preached to me about religion
the people who talked about greatness of god,
people who so dearly hang on to god for their need
these were people who consider themselves priests,Gods in human form
all the sages have no courage to stand up to this contradiction to their very beliefs

Not one of the south indian sages have raised any objection to this
Such men.who cannot stand up for what the preach,what the believe in.

Here i mention south india sages beacuse i have grown up in a south indian family
I have seen the their belief in god.
I have visited many saints and sages who have supposedtly devoted their entire life to god
All this make me say that before i didnot agree with their beliefs
but still these people held some stature in my mind
but this makes me call them hippocrates

VHP :
VHP is evil re incarnated according to me
Thoushands have died and echoes of their cries have
in communal disharmony in the country that will probably never die

but they were the only ones to stand up to this
due to blind faith,or political leverage or they truly believe in ram
atleast they are ready to fight for their belifs
They are ready to fight for what the preach
Though their methods have been wrong
atleast they are not hippocrates


As For me
I dont worship god
I dont believe in fools and not in Sages


But I would like to believe in legacy of Ram
Just a magnificent Story
and there exist some fact to make the story real why destroy it

I would like to believe that great men walked on this earth once.
May the child in me is still alive,fascinated by stories of eternal battle
stories of heroism,of love passion,loyalty and respect

This part of me will never let go of legacy of Ram

I may have quoted various reasons of saving the bridge
and People may have various reasons to destroy it

But who am i kidding
my real reason is just that the child in me cannot let go

I would like to see the ram sethu standing just to
keep my childhood stories alive.

fool's hope

Take me to a parallel universe
where there lies no pain
where I run through the green field
with a innocent smile on my face

Take me to a place
where time just stops still for a day
where i live my lifetime in each instant
and breath in the cool mystic air

Take me to a paralle universe
where i am alone with my self
and i question my consiosness
and turn into a better self

Take me to a paralle realm
where i can just be who i am
where there are no judges
and there no heaven or hell

take my sweet music,
take me to that blissful place.
where i can just play my guitar.
and sing in pleasure and pain.

Cant you hear my cry
Cant you see my pain
why dont you rescue me forever
why dont you take me far away

i know im a fool
but i see these dreams everyday
i hope one day they become real
im tired to my life this way.

who am i ?

I just finished reading 1984 .
i could not accept how could a person deceive himself into accepting things he disbelieved in.
how could a person accept something that would compromise his ideas and values.
how could a person truly accept something that would compromise is soul.
I thought it is just not humanly possible for this to happen.
never would it happen to me.not in a million years

The next day in a discussion with my friends i found i was no different.
and from that day on i have suffered.

I found that i had deceived my self into believing i was truly happy
my dreams were naive.
That my life is good now and will get better .
and i do not need to pursue my old dreams anymore .

I don't know how it happened or why it happened
but it surely happened.
I was not forced by any grave situations or fear
My strong and idealistic mind was defeated by something unknown

i am no longer sure what i really am

i am always in doubt whether it is really me or some false portrayal
of ideas and thoughts accumulated along the way

I am unable to define and justify my existence

any way how do you define your existence ?

i unable to decide whether i really believe in my thought
because i have a great vision for myself but i am not able to
put it in practice.

are my dreams really my own ?

i am lost

I have lost my sense of purpose in life.

these realizations has taken a tool on my soul


"There are no foes or friends tonight
all alone i endure this night
i never thought the light would be so bright
now i can never close my eyes"

Atlas

one day passing though lands is saw statue atlas,the great titan.and i asked my self what do i see in atlas.
do i see him as great titan who carries the world without any effort whatso ever.who bears all the burdens cast upon him but still stand tall.
do i see him as a lost soul who if bound to this destiny and accepted this ordeal .he feels no pleasure pain or emotions and is just waiting for his judgement day.
do i see him suffering angel,because he is capable and desires of doing great things but is bound to carry out this fruitless task.
do i see him as a mortal who carries the world with aching shoulders,trembling hands and unbalenced stance.a mortal who does not think of the past or forcee the future but is concentrating and obsessed with the present although it is devoid of purpose and happiness hoping something good will come along this road.

hope

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns.
when you finally think you have figured out your path in life.
Reality forces its weird twist and turns.
some happy,some sad,some for good and some too painful to bear.
some of these are our own making and others due to unexpected hand of fate.
but through all these time it is hope which takes us forward.

hope is only things which prevents us from dying
hope feeds life into us.
only mad men hope.
but the more we have blind faith in our hope,and if all our
action are dedicated to make our dream come true
no matter however impossible,however crazy our dream may be
it will fill our lives with happiness,a sense of purpose

thats what is really required to live life.
it is not money,fame or luxaries,honor but a sense of purpose.

the advantage of hoping like a mad man is
you never doubt your dreams will not come true
you live life,pursue you goals without fears and insecurities
if live keeps on giving unexpected twists .

just hope,hold on to your dreams,look to the future
Live will always throw unexpected suprises,pain,suffering,loss,happiness,love,joy and change
eveyone has their own way to tackel life.
but one thing nomatter what life throws at you never loose hope.
the day you loose hope ,day you stop to dream,the day you cannot see a future
is the day you have died.

Dream

Gazing at the darkness of the radiant sun.
I drifted into a blissful dream.
woke up ages later and found that a curse is cast upon me.
now the moon follows me every where i go.
and the clouds can't hide my shame.
the sun smiles at my fortune and shouts at me "tomorrow will be your day"

I only see black and wite,the misery and the pain
Joy that was called life has vanished from my veins
now i run through the crowded streets and empty hallways
searching in all direction for some forgotten lane

Reality seems like great illusion ,a nightmare in which i can't breath.
Only thing that seems real to me ,are the six strings that i can play.
so I sing my song tonight. so I play my tunes.
The chords echo for eternity in my ears alone

then sun and moon mock me on one fatefull day
but i stand tall and laugh aloud and they are amazed
so i take a final glance earth below my feet.
one giant leap is all it takes and float into another dream.

Fearless

WHO ARE WE UNDER THE SKY
JUST TWO EARS ,JUST TWO EYES

i will not be judged

I refuse to be judged by people.
I see all around that people just wont let me be.
You are constantly judged for all your actions however minute or however huge.
Every action,every thought is evaluated as good and bad in terms of other people or in general the view of society.
Who are these people who i dont care about,respect or for that matter even hate to judge me for my actions and my thoughts.
The are just mere aquaintances i have established to survive in this hypocratic society.
with judgement also come a sentence.
They pinpoint all things that are wrong with me according to thier view.They are obsessed
to change me to fit into their world ,their society.
But why should i change.
I am what i am.people should simply understand this and accept me the way i am.
If they refuse to do so,if they think my ideas and thought opoose their
opinion .If they cant stand to be in the company of person like me .say it loud ,say it openly
and detach from me.
dont pass judgement on my actions behind my back,and try to force me to vhange and believe in your point of view.
if one day i find i agree to your point of view i will aceept it and adopt new ideas.
but this desicion will be out of my own free will,it will arise of of my thought process
it wont be a forced idea fed into my mind.

I refuse to be judged for my thoughts and actions.
the concept of God is beyond me.but even if god existed even he has no right to judge me.
these are words not of arrogance but my most basic rights.
My thoughts are mine alone and only i will be the judge of them.

I am what i am.I will not change and dont try to change me because you have no right to do so.
You put forth you vision and i will see through your eyes.but the desicion to accept this will me mine and mine alone.you cannot frightem me or force me to aceept your world.
If i accept your ideas it will be out of my own free will.
Lear to accept me the way i am for what i am.Beacuse this is my truest self.
If you cant aceept me let go of me.