Blankness

Being at peace with blankness is surreal ...

Blankness ..... I do not know how to describe this feeling ,where i cannot see my future at all ......
i look inside my mind and i see nothing ... its not darkness ... its just that there is nothing there .....

I have miserable and in pain for most part of by life ....

The first time i stared at blankness was 3 years ago ,when i achieved my first real dream ...
The feeling of true happiness took a long time to sink in . Often i used to wonder if it was all a dream and than i would wake up to dreadful reality .

Months went by and dream was still on .... i started to believe that this was all real ...
I got more than what i had hoped for in past 3 years , of first time in my life i was at peace with my self .... and for a brief instant in time i was truly happy

My mind took a quantum leap that i could be proud of .... there is nothing more i could want in life ...

Its not that i do not have desires ... i want the world .... but that is because of my ego ,achieving these desires will get a sense of achievement ,fulfilling my ego ... but i know it cannot bring me happiness ...
happiness is a rare emotion ...  i known things which make be happy ,and they are all in my mind .... i do not need any external source to bring me peace or happiness ....  i can be get brief moments of joy whenever i want .....

But staring at blankness is something i have not yet understood ... and i dont know if it will go away
or i want it to go away ....

maybe i need to find a new dream .... maybe i need to be miserable again ,i tried to go back to my old life .... but i just couldnt ... my mind is truly at peace .....

There is nothing that i want from the world  my world is in my mind and its more radiant than a thousand sons  ..... i will break away soon and be completely consumed in mind and spirit ...
i long for that day where blankness takes over ....