slave to the power of death

We have very little control over the events that unfold in this vast universe.
Our lifes are just a series of coincidences.
And we have so little contrl over our lives
I will never know at what instant of time I choose to tread this path
or consequences of what actions have lead to this moment.

This moment where time has stopped still.
I hang in the balence between life and death.
A voice screams from deep inside me
I dont to die ...
not from fear of death or fear of pain.
But from the uncompromising "desire to live".

I survived.I am still alive.

But I have realized i am a slave to the power of death.
My ego,my desires,my dreams all were powerless .I was powerless
Just like that everything could have ended.

Seeing Beyond

Not really sure what i want in life

few lost thoughts wander in my mind

Of the dreams lost and hopes reborn

I look upon as eternal battle of past and present wages on

Insecure and afraid I tread the unknown path

Hopeful and exited that road may lead to the stars

The dream of destination is all that i hold on

no matter what happens the fool's dream goes on

Shattered and empty refection my mind now i see

Slowly but surely the empty vessles are filled

So what if I don't have the gift of foresight

I have wisdom to tell wrong from right

what's the pleasure in conquring the known

To be king of everything but your own home

what's the pleasure of living ,knowing what's going to unfold

Let the tale unwind and ashes turn to gold

Trying forever to escape all that is real

searching for tools that make time stand still,

we will fade but our scars will never heal

as we die to live and to feel.

Finally seeing past the illusion of life

i see i have been dancing to the tunes of time

and as i see my life flash before my eyes

I see beyond the haze and know i am happy to have lived the way i always have

Ramble on

It is sometimes so painful,
to get away from someone
You have basked in their shadow,
laughed and cried in their company
They are your brothers in arms

But non the less
No matter they care or not
No matter how much it hurts you
One has to make their stand

Some actions must be commited
Even against their loved ones
Against the will of the heart
Our ego must succeed this time.

As we ramble on with our lives
and arrive at the crossroad
I choose not to follow in their footsteps
I choose to walk away,walk away from it all ....

ANGER .

Anger and hate are strange emotions.
Sometimes they arise because of valid reasons,
sometimes feel anger and hatered for no reason at all
You dont know who or what you are angry at or why ?
It is some what like irrational fear ,you know you are afraid
but can't quiet tell why or what you are afraid of.

When anger consumes you,
It controls all you thoughts and all your actions
You are angry at everyone and everything
Life turns into hell
YOu fail see anything good around you
you even fail to enjoy the thing you really like,thing for which you live
You fell so alone,in this over crowded world

You remember the good old day when everything was good
and think that those days will never return again
You think that something inside you has changed to turn you into this person
YOu think that you will never be the same again
and that you are destined for this life of anger and hate

then suddenly a few peaceful moments erases all the anger and hate
Just when you see no hope,something changes everything
You recover and you fell better than before,
You become capable of forgiving anyone even your greatest of foe's

You dont know what had happened or why it happened
You dont care for any reaon or rationality
You are just happy life is good again ....

The Lost Soul's

Every individual defines their reason's for existence.
And These very reasons define the individual.
They shape an ordinary individual to an extraordinaire being.
I am proud to have known such people.People with great minds and skills.
People who justified their reason to exist.People who defined themselves.
People who held on to their dreams and ideas no matter what the circumstances.
They tried to pursue their dreams even if they knew they would fail.

But that seems so long ago.
People change too much too quickly. I haven't quiet realized what might trigger such a change
It is as if they have completely forgotten who they were. Sure on the outside they are the same.
But i fell something is so very wrong.
They have somehow managed to forget their dreams.
These very dreams which was a driving force in their life.
Soul reason that justified their existence.
They instead choose to strive for trivial things like money,respect in society etc.

All these people suddenly have started caring about their status in society,their bank balance.The have began to judge every aspect of life by money.Happiness,success,pride,honour everything is suddenly weighed against money one possesses or one will posses in their future.The have stopped talking about their dreams and ambitions any more.all they speak about is about ways to earn more and become a success in eyes of the society.Gone are the days when they dreamed
They have finally succumbed to the machine.
A mechanical state of existence.

They are however in a state of denial about it.
Unaware or maybe unwilling to accept the truth.
The truth that they let go of everything they held dear in their life.
They constantly try to justify their actions as if someone is
judging and scrutinizing their every move.
Maybe it a justification they are trying to give to their conscience.
A justifications for The fact that they have traded heaven for hell
They have traded the hopeless romantic they were for a mechanical human drone.

They have traded a quiet and peaceful life for meaningless so called bigger dreams.

The worst thing one can possibly do is sell themselves,sell their beliefs and ideals.They have ended up selling their souls and Still find a way to justify their actions.

A person's committing such a actions may seek a road to redemption's if he was unaware of the actions he had commited.If he was an ignorant brute.

But a person intelligent enough to understand which is the right path,and still chooses the wrong and easier road cannot be redeemed.A person justifying his actions but stating that his actions are limited within the ethical boundaries he has drawn for himself.

i never thought i would really encounter such souls in my life.Because i thought one can not lay such punishment on one self

Willful ignorance is a act of crime against one self.And at the end of this road there can be no redemption only regret.

This was the very difference that separated Howard Roark and Gail Wanyand. Of late all i see around me are people who had the potential and the will to go the Howard roark's way take the path of Gail Wanyand.

Inevitability

Inevitablility derives from the Latin word vitare- (to avoid) and refer to a situation where only one alternative is considered possible.

"Time is inevitable."

Tick tock tick tock.

Time is absolute in nature.

It never compromises,it never stops,it offers no sympathy

It has no remorse.

It fullfills it purpose without any errors,doubts or regrets.

It is perpeual in nature .

For all that exists it brings forth in inevitabilites of creation and destruction.

It was indeed inevitable we were born and it is also inevitable we will die

It is inevitable we will live and it is inevitable we will deacy.

We have no choice but to accept the inevitablility of time.

"Change is inevitable"

Change is inevitable.

It is in nature that thing should and will change.

Sometimes things change consiciously.

Sometimes things change unconsiously.

Change brings about many thing with it.

Nostalgia,Melancholia,adrenalin,Fear,Excitement etc

All the emotions beyond the normal state under which we exist.

It is inevitable that we will face these emotions and

It is inevitable that we have to deal with consequences these emotions

will bring about in us.

"Choice is inevitable"

Choice is inevitable.

All our lives we crave for the freedom of choice

But when the situation finally offers us choice

Many times we are confused and lost

Other times we rise to the occasion and make the choice

It is not the fear that the choice is morally right or wrong that

makes us think before making a choice

But what consequences our choises will have

Are we ready to bear the resposibility of our choises

Choise is inevitable .it will present itself in our everyday lives

It is inevitable that we will have to choose .

These are few inevitabilities that occured in my mind

maybe to really a really good life

we need to come to terms with these inevitabilities

Like we have to come to terms with the fact that

Time never stops for anybody

We should never kill time thinking

we are young and life will be long

Most difficult thing to do is come to terms with change

To accept change and move on with our lives

to accept the fact that our childhood has gone,

our old friends have changes a lot,

to accept the fact Our dreams have changed

The earlier we accept change and come to terms with it

Easier it will be to move on with our lives

Choice.

Choice again presents itself everyday

The choice to just breath or really live

The choice to be a original or someones shadow

the choice to stand up and fight, or quietly lay down and die.

"It is inevitable that we have to face inevitables offered by life."

Seeing Beyond

Not really sure what i want in life
few lost thoughts wander in my mind
Of the dreams lost and hopes reborn
I look upon as eternal battle of past and present wages on

Insecure and afraid I tread the unknown path
Hopeful and exited that road may lead to the stars
The dream of destination is all that i hold on
no matter what happens the fool's dream goes on

Shattered and empty refection my mind now i see
Slowly but surely the empty vessles are filled
so what if I don't have the gift of foresight
I have wisdom to tell wrong from right

what's the pleasure in conquring the known
To be king of everything but your own home
what's the pleasure of living ,knowing what's going to unfold
Let the tale unwind and ashes turn to gold

Trying forever to escape all that is real
searching for tools that make time stand still,
we will fade but our scars will never heal
as we die to live and to feel.

Finally seeing past the illusion of life
i see i have been dancing to the tunes of time
and as i see my life flash before my eyes
I see beyond the haze and know i am happy
to have lived the way i always have

Ram Sethu

The Ram Sethu

In 2001, the Government of India has approved a multi-million dollar Sethusamudram Shipping Canal Project that aims to create a ship channel across the Palk Strait. The plan is to dredge the shallow ocean floor near the Dhanushkodi end of Rama's Bridge to create enough leeway allowing ships to pass through the channel instead of having to go around the island of Sri Lanka. It is expected to save nearly 30 hours' shipping time by cutting over 400 km off the voyage.

Is this the price to be paid for humans to make more money.
Is this the price to be paid for humans to gain more power.
Is this the price to be paid ? ? ?

One cannot stop gazing at the magnificent structure in sea
A structure older that the recordes history itself

The stretch of land that once connected India and Sri lanka
about 10000 years ago.

A beautiful bridge,
It almost seems like bridge reaching out to heavens in the sea

There so few thing left on this good earth
so few sights left which can inspire you
which can make you cry
so few sights which can leave you mesmerised

How can you destroy this ? ? ?

Do we have the right to Destroy this for our own Greed
What a fine soulution to all the problems we created
Destroy everything that stands in our way

But the war to save the bridge and war to destroy bridge has
brought out many different shades of people.

The Civil war :

Here A civil war has started between the DMK and VHP political parties

legacy of Ram
The name, Rama's Bridge or Rama Setu (Sanskrit; setu: bridge) for the shoal of islands derives from the Sanskrit epic Ramayana, in which a bridge from Rameswaram was built by allies of Rama that he used to reach Lanka, and rescue his abducted wife Sita from the asura king, Ravana.[2] The sea separating India and Sri Lanka is called Sethusamudram, based on the same episode.

Of fools and Of sages
DMK openly has stated it does not belive in Ram and
Bridge must be destroyed at all cost.
I would call this political suicide in a country deeply routed in religion
But the people ,the same people who preached to me about religion
the people who talked about greatness of god,
people who so dearly hang on to god for their need
these were people who consider themselves priests,Gods in human form
all the sages have no courage to stand up to this contradiction to their very beliefs

Not one of the south indian sages have raised any objection to this
Such men.who cannot stand up for what the preach,what the believe in.

Here i mention south india sages beacuse i have grown up in a south indian family
I have seen the their belief in god.
I have visited many saints and sages who have supposedtly devoted their entire life to god
All this make me say that before i didnot agree with their beliefs
but still these people held some stature in my mind
but this makes me call them hippocrates

VHP :
VHP is evil re incarnated according to me
Thoushands have died and echoes of their cries have
in communal disharmony in the country that will probably never die

but they were the only ones to stand up to this
due to blind faith,or political leverage or they truly believe in ram
atleast they are ready to fight for their belifs
They are ready to fight for what the preach
Though their methods have been wrong
atleast they are not hippocrates


As For me
I dont worship god
I dont believe in fools and not in Sages


But I would like to believe in legacy of Ram
Just a magnificent Story
and there exist some fact to make the story real why destroy it

I would like to believe that great men walked on this earth once.
May the child in me is still alive,fascinated by stories of eternal battle
stories of heroism,of love passion,loyalty and respect

This part of me will never let go of legacy of Ram

I may have quoted various reasons of saving the bridge
and People may have various reasons to destroy it

But who am i kidding
my real reason is just that the child in me cannot let go

I would like to see the ram sethu standing just to
keep my childhood stories alive.

fool's hope

Take me to a parallel universe
where there lies no pain
where I run through the green field
with a innocent smile on my face

Take me to a place
where time just stops still for a day
where i live my lifetime in each instant
and breath in the cool mystic air

Take me to a paralle universe
where i am alone with my self
and i question my consiosness
and turn into a better self

Take me to a paralle realm
where i can just be who i am
where there are no judges
and there no heaven or hell

take my sweet music,
take me to that blissful place.
where i can just play my guitar.
and sing in pleasure and pain.

Cant you hear my cry
Cant you see my pain
why dont you rescue me forever
why dont you take me far away

i know im a fool
but i see these dreams everyday
i hope one day they become real
im tired to my life this way.

who am i ?

I just finished reading 1984 .
i could not accept how could a person deceive himself into accepting things he disbelieved in.
how could a person accept something that would compromise his ideas and values.
how could a person truly accept something that would compromise is soul.
I thought it is just not humanly possible for this to happen.
never would it happen to me.not in a million years

The next day in a discussion with my friends i found i was no different.
and from that day on i have suffered.

I found that i had deceived my self into believing i was truly happy
my dreams were naive.
That my life is good now and will get better .
and i do not need to pursue my old dreams anymore .

I don't know how it happened or why it happened
but it surely happened.
I was not forced by any grave situations or fear
My strong and idealistic mind was defeated by something unknown

i am no longer sure what i really am

i am always in doubt whether it is really me or some false portrayal
of ideas and thoughts accumulated along the way

I am unable to define and justify my existence

any way how do you define your existence ?

i unable to decide whether i really believe in my thought
because i have a great vision for myself but i am not able to
put it in practice.

are my dreams really my own ?

i am lost

I have lost my sense of purpose in life.

these realizations has taken a tool on my soul


"There are no foes or friends tonight
all alone i endure this night
i never thought the light would be so bright
now i can never close my eyes"

Atlas

one day passing though lands is saw statue atlas,the great titan.and i asked my self what do i see in atlas.
do i see him as great titan who carries the world without any effort whatso ever.who bears all the burdens cast upon him but still stand tall.
do i see him as a lost soul who if bound to this destiny and accepted this ordeal .he feels no pleasure pain or emotions and is just waiting for his judgement day.
do i see him suffering angel,because he is capable and desires of doing great things but is bound to carry out this fruitless task.
do i see him as a mortal who carries the world with aching shoulders,trembling hands and unbalenced stance.a mortal who does not think of the past or forcee the future but is concentrating and obsessed with the present although it is devoid of purpose and happiness hoping something good will come along this road.

hope

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns.
when you finally think you have figured out your path in life.
Reality forces its weird twist and turns.
some happy,some sad,some for good and some too painful to bear.
some of these are our own making and others due to unexpected hand of fate.
but through all these time it is hope which takes us forward.

hope is only things which prevents us from dying
hope feeds life into us.
only mad men hope.
but the more we have blind faith in our hope,and if all our
action are dedicated to make our dream come true
no matter however impossible,however crazy our dream may be
it will fill our lives with happiness,a sense of purpose

thats what is really required to live life.
it is not money,fame or luxaries,honor but a sense of purpose.

the advantage of hoping like a mad man is
you never doubt your dreams will not come true
you live life,pursue you goals without fears and insecurities
if live keeps on giving unexpected twists .

just hope,hold on to your dreams,look to the future
Live will always throw unexpected suprises,pain,suffering,loss,happiness,love,joy and change
eveyone has their own way to tackel life.
but one thing nomatter what life throws at you never loose hope.
the day you loose hope ,day you stop to dream,the day you cannot see a future
is the day you have died.

Dream

Gazing at the darkness of the radiant sun.
I drifted into a blissful dream.
woke up ages later and found that a curse is cast upon me.
now the moon follows me every where i go.
and the clouds can't hide my shame.
the sun smiles at my fortune and shouts at me "tomorrow will be your day"

I only see black and wite,the misery and the pain
Joy that was called life has vanished from my veins
now i run through the crowded streets and empty hallways
searching in all direction for some forgotten lane

Reality seems like great illusion ,a nightmare in which i can't breath.
Only thing that seems real to me ,are the six strings that i can play.
so I sing my song tonight. so I play my tunes.
The chords echo for eternity in my ears alone

then sun and moon mock me on one fatefull day
but i stand tall and laugh aloud and they are amazed
so i take a final glance earth below my feet.
one giant leap is all it takes and float into another dream.

Fearless

WHO ARE WE UNDER THE SKY
JUST TWO EARS ,JUST TWO EYES

i will not be judged

I refuse to be judged by people.
I see all around that people just wont let me be.
You are constantly judged for all your actions however minute or however huge.
Every action,every thought is evaluated as good and bad in terms of other people or in general the view of society.
Who are these people who i dont care about,respect or for that matter even hate to judge me for my actions and my thoughts.
The are just mere aquaintances i have established to survive in this hypocratic society.
with judgement also come a sentence.
They pinpoint all things that are wrong with me according to thier view.They are obsessed
to change me to fit into their world ,their society.
But why should i change.
I am what i am.people should simply understand this and accept me the way i am.
If they refuse to do so,if they think my ideas and thought opoose their
opinion .If they cant stand to be in the company of person like me .say it loud ,say it openly
and detach from me.
dont pass judgement on my actions behind my back,and try to force me to vhange and believe in your point of view.
if one day i find i agree to your point of view i will aceept it and adopt new ideas.
but this desicion will be out of my own free will,it will arise of of my thought process
it wont be a forced idea fed into my mind.

I refuse to be judged for my thoughts and actions.
the concept of God is beyond me.but even if god existed even he has no right to judge me.
these are words not of arrogance but my most basic rights.
My thoughts are mine alone and only i will be the judge of them.

I am what i am.I will not change and dont try to change me because you have no right to do so.
You put forth you vision and i will see through your eyes.but the desicion to accept this will me mine and mine alone.you cannot frightem me or force me to aceept your world.
If i accept your ideas it will be out of my own free will.
Lear to accept me the way i am for what i am.Beacuse this is my truest self.
If you cant aceept me let go of me.

Tale of our times

Every generation thinks they are better than their predecessor's.
They think they are a new generation,with modern and better thinking ability.
They believe the are pioneers of a new world with free and independent thinking.

They adapt themselves to new and trendy ways of life,changing anything and everything to detach themselves from present society and trying hard to invent a new way of life.

The earlier generations way of life suddenly seems immature, They are not able to relate to ways of earlier generations.

They see all events around them and believe that previous generations so incompetent that they are unable to solve basic problems of life.
They see that majority members of previous generation have lost the race of life in the crowded streets of present.

Out of arrogance,hate or pity they believe the thought and ideas of previous generation have no right to exist.
They believe in the survival of the fittest,and think that people of older generations are endangered species and will be wiped out in this brave new world .

They absorb all that is around them and come to the conclusion that previous generations so incompetent so solve basic problems of life.They see that majority members of previous generation have lost the race of life in the crowded streets of present.

They had once seen these very same people once had big dreams,great ideas,unparallel vision. They were inspired by such people,They were maybe also proud to succeed such a promising group of people.

but then reality played its part,many loose their way in life.They succumb to everyday pressures of life. They become either to tired to fight or no longer care to fight.and free thinking people of yesterdays past become mindless zombies of present. they got transformed into so called the ordinary people from giants they were.

They see these events and say it aloud with absolute certainty that you will never turn out like the earlier generations.
They make a pact to never give up their dreams and will always look towards the future.
They say the words aloud that thier generation will pave the way for a new world.A
new society founded not on weak social structure existent today but founded on the basis of values,principles,ideals and rationality.

They begin thinking about their purpose in life ,their dreams,ambitions etc

It is now that they realize that dont even know what their heart truly desires.

The quest to find this very purpose in their lives,may be to re invent their hobbies or childhood dreams takes them on an adventure like none before.

But on this road many find their purpose and many losse everything that they had.
Even these lost souls do not give up and continue striving toward their quest to simply find where their heart truly lies.

And for a time life was good.all these agents of new world life an out of the ordinary life,invorbing their capabilities and ideas condtantly .

they complete their education and these pioneers of new generation enter the cruel world ready to fight against all odds to achieve their goals.

many suceed many fail.But only few have found true peace in their walk of life.

Many are left lost and confused.they begin to fear that they will never find their so called purpose in life.fear creaps into their lives.it consumes them
they begin to freak out thinking that their quest will never end and theat they will always be in doubt.

These were the same people who once had a absolute thinking,no doubts,no insecurities.
The saw it clearly what they wanted and what they had to do to achieve their goals.

now many of these very same group of people are lost.some to find true meaning to their lives,some on the quest on how to achieve their goals.


And now so called reality plays its part,many loose their way in life.They succumb to everyday pressures of life. They become either to tired to fight or no longer care to fight.and free thinking people of yesterdays past become mindless zombies of present.
They turn into so called the ordinary people from giants they were.

As it is human nature to decieve themself into believing they have not lost,and think everything happens for the good.these many convince their minds to strike a suitable compromise continue leading a descent life.
but at some dark corner of their mind they know they have lost and surrendered and they accept their loss and tell themselves that everyone is not insanelly brillant to achieve their dream.and they let go of all that they have.


Whenever their dreams haunt them ,they try to run away from this harsh truth by turning to alcohols,drugs or maybe perhaps god.
They find their nightmares are too painful and they are unable to escape it,so their simply stop to dream.

They start living a 24x7 live.They try hard to indulge in so many things,except to pursue life they really desire.
At the end of the day the are exhausted and they sleep thinking the have worked so hard and they are living their lives to the fullest.their mind is so tired and lost at the end of the day .it refuses to wander any more and also aceepts the false reality.

They hang out till late nights either hanging out with friends,in front of idot box or doing simply nothing.They are afraid to sleep beacause they have become afraid of the very dreams that was the driving force in their lives.The have turned their dreams into nightmare.
They were destroying their very lives they took years building.
They nedded to be save not from society,friends or some disaster waiting for them.
They needed to be saved from themselves.

They become a confused lot of people.people lost in time and lost in space.

Many find a compromise,man forget their dreams and many continue to live their lives suffering everyday.

Time files by and they hardy take notice.
They dont have time to even breath peacefully.
They meet their old friends during holidays,decide to do something out of the ordinary.
They and have a blast.They best time they had in years.
Their mind rejuvenates temporarily and they talk abut,live,dreams ,loveand everything under the sun with the same passion as they used to.
They relate to each other of how they have suffered,how this realization has changed their life and they decide once again in the thrill of the moment to once again follow their dreams.

But the next day the adventure is over and they return to you normal busy life.they try for a while to search for the right path,but out of laziness and fear they again forget everything.

at some dark corner of their mind they know they have lost and surrendered and they accept their loss and tell themselves that everyone is not insanelly brillant to achieve their dream.and they let go of all that they have

they build another wall aroud thier thoughts and dreams,after every such realization the
wall kepps on gettin bigger and bigger and one fine day wall becomes to high to climb out of.
their dreams and ambitions are locked up inside the wall.

but occasionall a cry comes from inside these walls.
a cry so painfull it tears your entire existance apart.

Freedom Fighters

I get really irratated,when i read that we are not performing our duties towards our society or country

the famous quote being repeated agian again " ask not what your country has givesn you,ask what you have given your country".

that we owe our soldiers gradititude for saving our lives,while they are fighting everyday day to save us from our enemies.

but i believe that we dont owe anything to anybodywe dont owe anything to our family,our society,our country or humanitylive and die for your happiness and out of your own free will.that is the only way people should live.

I am saying this even though I have not yet become breave enough to live by this code.not even our freedom fighter never waged the freedom struggle for other.

they did not fight for the weak and helpless people who could not stand up for themselvesThe waged a battle because they could not bear to live in such a unjust society.

the fought for their right to live peacefull and with honour and dignitylikeminded people joined forces along their way .they did not join forces to to good for society,or country they joined forces to fight for their freedom to live happily.they all fought for their principles and countless died fighting for their beliefs.

They sacrificed their lives not for others but themselves.they died for their own happiness

And they are respected for very principle that they gave their lives fighting for no one except themselvesbut

our soldiers and freedom fighter did not want to become martyrs

they also dreamed of living a peaceful and long lifebut a life of compromise is not what they were willing to accept

its a irony people who fight to live always die

but most of people do not understand this

we dishonour their cause by screaming that they died for other by shouting that they died for our society,they died our their country

we keep on saying that they were the lucky ones who died for their country,for they owed this debt to our motherland and they have become free of this debtbut most of these people dont have even slightest courage to stand for themselve and try to fight for their happiness let alone giving the life

Freedom fighter

All the soldier and freedom fighters

They died for no one except themselves

They didnt die for the millions,the weak and the hungry

They died for no one except themselves

they didn’t fight for society or our country

they didn’t fight for a higher cause or for humanity

They died for their principles and their beliefs

they fought so that they could live without guilt

the guilt that the did not fight for their happiness

the fought so that they could live in a better society

where there is no need to fight

all these soldiers don’t dream of dying

they dream of living ,of living in peace

but not all of them make it to promiseland

some die fighting,some die laughing

but when the go down to gallows,they don’t go down mourning,the go down laughing,they go down singing

even with their last breath they continue fighting

because they fought for nothing except their happiness

they fought for no one except for themselves

but we dishonour their cause,by screaming that they died for other

by shouting that they died for the society,they died for their country

we keep on saying that they were the lucky ones who died for their country,

for the owed this debt to our motherland

when most of us have no courage to fight for our happiness.

this idea inspires me to live my life to the fullest.

all the actions i do are out of my own free will and happines.

all my actions lead to my happiness.

i dont want any favours from anybody and i dont owe any debt's to anyone

just try to live life with yourself as centre of universe.

earth just turns into a heavenly place.

music keeps me sane

I just left office after a gruelling 17 hour day.i had hardly and time to eat,to relax a bit,even go out and get a smoke .

striving to get the module working for clients for across the globe.but i dont derive any personal pleasure from my work.i just had to get the code workingbecause i cannot see any program witten by me be unsucessful.this is only thing that drive me to sit in office insanely long hours.

when i got out at 2am.i was really irratated and sad.
i thought about all the thing i would have done if i had 17 hours to myselfi felt really angry.when anger and hatered flow though your system you really fell like a mad man with millions of thoughts running in the mind at the same time.

i felt depressed that i was not living for what i rellay loved,that i am not courageous to pursue a career in field where my heart lies felt angry that my friend were not there for me today,i felt angry that i had to get up next morning at 6 and again head to office only negative and bad thought filled my
thoughts

Then suddenly i rememberd thing i liked the most

music.

i remembered how even after a long and tiring day at work just listning to music lightens up my day.
i remember the days when i just slept or an hour or so and headed to office.how tired i felt and listing to some great songs just drove away all the sleep and i felt alive again.

today at night i dont have music to listen to while going home.but just thinking of it makes music flow through me.i begin to feel really good.i start to sing song in auto even though i am a terrible singer.

this was not a really bad situation,but i decidedno matter in how bad situation i would be in, i will always let music flow through me

without music i would have been angry ,depressed and crribbing abut all the thing in lifebecoming a preson i would realy hate.

so have i decided not matter what the situation i will never let go of music
i will eat ,sleep,dring and live music that is only think that can bring a smile to my face even in the most disturbing situations
it can provide more support to me than my family and friend.

i will never let musics die in me.i that day occurs ony thing left in me will be an insane,ordinary man cribbing about life.

music is my way of staying sane and alive

stranger

I was going through some blogs. when a random post caught my eye
I started to read th blog.there were may thing i could relate to in the post.
i was happy that someone out there think the way i do.

so i started reading all the all the blogs that were posted.
as i went through them i realized that we share a very similar thinking.
these blogs were witten about some 2 years ago .it told about the discussion the persond had with firendshis own thinksing ,ideas ,fears.the blogs were on all topics like life,death,music,dreams,reality,god,delivi all the topics under the sun
after reading through some of these blogs i really freaked out.

the blogs about life,our purpose in life,how we have change,lost the light in our eyes etc really freaked me out because these we the discussion what i and my closest friends were having for the last 2 months or so.

i spent sleepless nights thinkinking about my life,my dreams aspirations,
how i have failed to pursue my passions.why am i scared to chase my dreams etc.
these were the my innermost thoughts and ideas which i did not entirely share with my firends also.these were the friends with whome i have cried laughed enjoyed and live my life.and still they did not fully know who i am

i was afraid perhaps to share all my thoughts with them,
because only fear a person has while sharing his ideas is
that the idea will never be judged but the person definately will
though we were friends who stood by each other through thick and thin,
never questioned each others actions,never judged each other
i still had a small felling of insecrity that they will not relatre to me and judge me.

we never portray our true self in society.
it a heavy outer shell which we project over our real image.
the outer shell is always projected as how you would like to be.
you project a false image of all your dreams and desires in this outer shell
it conditions itself and modifies itself from time to time to fullfil your needs,desires and surroundingvery less of wht is really true seeps though this outer shell and can be seen.

you let only your closet friend see the real you.
most of the time we deceive even ourselve so that we cannot see who we really are and what we have become

we live in ignorance from the fears of facing reality
we all have our own set of fears,insecurities and thing we hide from everyone else.

and we live under the false pretance that these fears have dissapered
these are the thing we do not want other people to know even our closet friends.
if some one knows you completely,understands all you thoughts felling,you weakness,your insecurities
your despair ,agony your cowardliness to face up to life.you can never look that person in the eye talk again.

because you know that you are ashamd of there weaknesses nad would never find the courage to see youself in the mirror eye to eye thinking about all these insecuraties,

And here i find a stranger who has put down excatly all my thoughts,feeling,fears,nightmares,beliefs etc
all deppest fears,insecrities,and agony my live is known to a complete strange.
the blogs said about thing i was always afraid to tell my self.
i am really freaked out that someone out there knows the real me.though a complete strange.who probaly i will never even seee.but just the thought that someone can see beneath the inner shell into all your weaknesses scares me.
but i am also happy that there is someone out there like me.
this situation reminds me of line from one of pink flyods greatest songs

ECHOES
"strangers passing in the street,
by chance two seperate two glances meet
i see you ,and what i see is me "