Last Ride

I will probably not get a chance to say it to your face ....

I think this is the last ride ...

I knew this would be the last ride,i just came here to confirm that


I don't not think i can invest in this more,surely i have taken a lot,

I think i have also given a lot more than people give me credit for,

I remember many moments across decades where i was an silent observer but you need to consider if these moments would have occurred if i was not there.

I don't take credit for the people,i don't take credit for their actions ,its theirs
and theirs alone,the loyalty,friendship,passion and purity of actions and thoughts.


But i have always been there when these moments have passed and you had your doubts
i have always been there to see you fail and get up,i have been there for a lot
even when everyone else was not there.


You asked me why i keep these relationships .... i don't think you understand me
its been always for moments i get in return .....

And i think i ask for a small price in return.I just want a fair trade .

I have just asked for a few moments in a long journey and if i dont get those moments its not worth it for me to be a part of the journey any more.

I have been there where it all began ,but am sure i will not be there when it will all end ...

so thank you for everything ,we had my moment in the sun
but i really did not get what i came for here,i did not get what i wanted for in a long time


The story will go on as i have always known it will go on but I will not be a part of it anymore.

This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes, again

Blankness

Being at peace with blankness is surreal ...

Blankness ..... I do not know how to describe this feeling ,where i cannot see my future at all ......
i look inside my mind and i see nothing ... its not darkness ... its just that there is nothing there .....

I have miserable and in pain for most part of by life ....

The first time i stared at blankness was 3 years ago ,when i achieved my first real dream ...
The feeling of true happiness took a long time to sink in . Often i used to wonder if it was all a dream and than i would wake up to dreadful reality .

Months went by and dream was still on .... i started to believe that this was all real ...
I got more than what i had hoped for in past 3 years , of first time in my life i was at peace with my self .... and for a brief instant in time i was truly happy

My mind took a quantum leap that i could be proud of .... there is nothing more i could want in life ...

Its not that i do not have desires ... i want the world .... but that is because of my ego ,achieving these desires will get a sense of achievement ,fulfilling my ego ... but i know it cannot bring me happiness ...
happiness is a rare emotion ...  i known things which make be happy ,and they are all in my mind .... i do not need any external source to bring me peace or happiness ....  i can be get brief moments of joy whenever i want .....

But staring at blankness is something i have not yet understood ... and i dont know if it will go away
or i want it to go away ....

maybe i need to find a new dream .... maybe i need to be miserable again ,i tried to go back to my old life .... but i just couldnt ... my mind is truly at peace .....

There is nothing that i want from the world  my world is in my mind and its more radiant than a thousand sons  ..... i will break away soon and be completely consumed in mind and spirit ...
i long for that day where blankness takes over ....