who am i ?

I just finished reading 1984 .
i could not accept how could a person deceive himself into accepting things he disbelieved in.
how could a person accept something that would compromise his ideas and values.
how could a person truly accept something that would compromise is soul.
I thought it is just not humanly possible for this to happen.
never would it happen to me.not in a million years

The next day in a discussion with my friends i found i was no different.
and from that day on i have suffered.

I found that i had deceived my self into believing i was truly happy
my dreams were naive.
That my life is good now and will get better .
and i do not need to pursue my old dreams anymore .

I don't know how it happened or why it happened
but it surely happened.
I was not forced by any grave situations or fear
My strong and idealistic mind was defeated by something unknown

i am no longer sure what i really am

i am always in doubt whether it is really me or some false portrayal
of ideas and thoughts accumulated along the way

I am unable to define and justify my existence

any way how do you define your existence ?

i unable to decide whether i really believe in my thought
because i have a great vision for myself but i am not able to
put it in practice.

are my dreams really my own ?

i am lost

I have lost my sense of purpose in life.

these realizations has taken a tool on my soul


"There are no foes or friends tonight
all alone i endure this night
i never thought the light would be so bright
now i can never close my eyes"

Atlas

one day passing though lands is saw statue atlas,the great titan.and i asked my self what do i see in atlas.
do i see him as great titan who carries the world without any effort whatso ever.who bears all the burdens cast upon him but still stand tall.
do i see him as a lost soul who if bound to this destiny and accepted this ordeal .he feels no pleasure pain or emotions and is just waiting for his judgement day.
do i see him suffering angel,because he is capable and desires of doing great things but is bound to carry out this fruitless task.
do i see him as a mortal who carries the world with aching shoulders,trembling hands and unbalenced stance.a mortal who does not think of the past or forcee the future but is concentrating and obsessed with the present although it is devoid of purpose and happiness hoping something good will come along this road.

hope

Life is full of unexpected twists and turns.
when you finally think you have figured out your path in life.
Reality forces its weird twist and turns.
some happy,some sad,some for good and some too painful to bear.
some of these are our own making and others due to unexpected hand of fate.
but through all these time it is hope which takes us forward.

hope is only things which prevents us from dying
hope feeds life into us.
only mad men hope.
but the more we have blind faith in our hope,and if all our
action are dedicated to make our dream come true
no matter however impossible,however crazy our dream may be
it will fill our lives with happiness,a sense of purpose

thats what is really required to live life.
it is not money,fame or luxaries,honor but a sense of purpose.

the advantage of hoping like a mad man is
you never doubt your dreams will not come true
you live life,pursue you goals without fears and insecurities
if live keeps on giving unexpected twists .

just hope,hold on to your dreams,look to the future
Live will always throw unexpected suprises,pain,suffering,loss,happiness,love,joy and change
eveyone has their own way to tackel life.
but one thing nomatter what life throws at you never loose hope.
the day you loose hope ,day you stop to dream,the day you cannot see a future
is the day you have died.

Dream

Gazing at the darkness of the radiant sun.
I drifted into a blissful dream.
woke up ages later and found that a curse is cast upon me.
now the moon follows me every where i go.
and the clouds can't hide my shame.
the sun smiles at my fortune and shouts at me "tomorrow will be your day"

I only see black and wite,the misery and the pain
Joy that was called life has vanished from my veins
now i run through the crowded streets and empty hallways
searching in all direction for some forgotten lane

Reality seems like great illusion ,a nightmare in which i can't breath.
Only thing that seems real to me ,are the six strings that i can play.
so I sing my song tonight. so I play my tunes.
The chords echo for eternity in my ears alone

then sun and moon mock me on one fatefull day
but i stand tall and laugh aloud and they are amazed
so i take a final glance earth below my feet.
one giant leap is all it takes and float into another dream.