Chaos

I have never known how to react when suddenly something totally unexpected,something impossible happens.
It may so happen that out impossible dreams  came true or our worst nightmare .
This is a rare occasion in my life where in one of my dream may have come true.I still do not believe that all this is happening.
My first reaction was I entered into a mode of denial,i refused to believe that this is really happening,that this was all a dream and i would wake up any moment now.
After few day have passed and i did not find myself waking up,i began evaluating the reason for my success.
One of the reason for my disbelief was that i did not think i was deserving enough to succeed.i had done very poorly at the test and it was a impossible chance at success.
I am unable to comprehend why i succeeded,why i was chosen based on what criteria.
I was some chaotic order of universe combined with my inherently paranoid nature that lead to a series of events that lead me to succeed.
I could have failed,i could have succeeded ,absolutely anything was possible on the day of my test.
"When i completed the first round and was waiting for the result for hours,where the began announcing the result i entered the hall the exact moment they were announcing my name,extremely weird coincidence.i still cannot believe that happened,
i check the result several time to check that it was indeed my name that was called
not entirely sure what lay ahead,i was called for the next round,i finished the round and when i was about to leave ,due to my inherently paranoid nature i check the result again and again found that i had one more test.
and it was because of this test that i was most likely selected.If i had not been such a paranoid person i would have left without checking the result again and most likely have failed.
the test also was not particularly good for me,and since there was nothing to loss i provided a display of some of my ego,i would like to thing that also had some part in my selection."
all the event determine heavily by chaotic order of universe made me come to the conclusion that one does not control ones destiny .since chaos can make or break you at any time
what one can control is be one true self under all circumstance
One can be our true paranoid weird self that and do thing that make one happy,do thing that one want's to do without regard for past of future.Since past has already occurred and there is never a point living in the past and due to inherently chaotic order of universe one can never control the future.
For if ever there was a right way i truly believe that this is it.accept the chaos and randomness of the universe and do the the best thing the only thing I can do and will do is to be me ,weird paranoid me........